When did my search for Truth begin?
Truth: my search began in every moment that I forgot I already had it. Forgetting must be a choice. And in that choosing to forget, I was setting myself up for a life of not-truth-fully searching, despite my intention to do so, and belief that I was.
And I was searching for…..? A truth that would stay true.
One time when my search for Truth consolidated in my mind was when I’d said:
“I dedicate myself to Truth.”
The year was 1997 and I was 42 years old, standing on a box in front of a big photograph of a deceased guru in his ashram in India. (How I came to visit there is another story.) It was during a workshop called “Transforming Power” about the victim-tyrant games that people play. Near the end the students were asked to get up onto the box, look at the photo, and speak out loud to dedicate themselves to the guru. I’ve never been into following gurus and was not about to dedicate myself to any! Plus it did not feel right, and I knew I was not going to say it. I got up on the box because I wanted to speak my truth. Uncannily the photo seemed alive, the eyes watching me, and I did not like the feel of that either. I spoke from my heart: “I dedicate myself to Truth.” After I got off the box things went from bumpy to even bumpier with the three facilitators. I had gotten on their wrong side during the workshop when I’d stayed true to my own healing path, not complying with everything they wanted me to do. Now they were noticeably cold and hostile. I found that pretty amazing, given that, if asked what would be their highest ideal and goal, it would probably be the quest for Truth!